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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the Italian striker popped into a local college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|